Sometimes Dads Fail

Sometimes dads fail.

I did yesterday.  It was EPIC.

I had been carrying the weight of circumstances around all afternoon.  

I had chosen to marinate in the drama and it had soaked in.  

I was fretting.  I was scared.  I was angry.

I was ticking…

What happened is irrelevant.  If I were to describe it I would inevitably try to justify my actions.  There was no justification.  I was a jerk.

I made Gru in Despicable Me look like Charles Ingalls.

I broke the heart of my baby girl.

Which leads me to this…

How do I insure that my children know they mean the world to me when I perceive the world is being mean to me?

Here’s what I’ve come up with.

Own My Weakness

It would be easy to blame my failing on my circumstances.

I don’t know where the May mortgage is coming from.

I don’t have that job yet.

I am hurting and scared.

Here’s the problem…

Those haven’t always been my circumstances…

But too often I’ve responded just like yesterday.

When I am overwhelmed by perceived pressure, I lash out at those closest and dearest to me.  That is not ‘Jon just being Jon’.

That.  Is.  Sin.

I’m trying to earn the approval of the world and God by my own actions.  And when it becomes more than I can handle, when it gets too big and I realize I am too small, I go off like the Hulk with an abscessed tooth.  In my hurt, I hurt others.

That is so ugly to see written down.

“Prone to wander, Lord I feel it…”

‘But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.’ – 2 Cor. 12:9 (NIV)

“And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:19

There will be trials and troubles.  But I’m not alone.  My God’s got this.

I just need to remember to give it to Him.

Own your weakness before it owns you.

Instruct With Whispers

I have a few gifts.  One is that I have a voice.  A big one…

A voice that cuts through…

Rises above…

Stills with swiftness…

…and can cut people down.

That.  Is.  Sin.

There seems to be no shortage of opportunities to raise my voice, but there is a definite lack of ones where I should.

Tearing someone down from a bully pulpit in front of a crowd makes restoration really difficult.

“The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” – Proverbs 12:18 (NIV)

Be Quick To Ask Forgiveness

Shame has this great way of isolating you.  It keeps you silent, thinking more words would just lead to more harm.

That is a lie.

Your shame-induced silence can cement the foundation of the hurt you’ve already caused.

Silence fertilizes the roots of bitterness.

Forgiveness heals.

Teach your children the power of forgiveness by asking them to forgive you when you mess up (and you will mess up).

Here was the 2:00 a.m., can’t sleep, Litmus test I gave myself.

Had my daughter’s boyfriend or husband treated her like I had…

I would’ve punched him.

Period.

And don’t gloss over it like it never happened. 

Don’t trivialize it with a simple “sorry”.

Sorry is what you say when you spill the milk.

I don’t want my daughter to think for a minute that this was an acceptable way for her to be treated…because it wasn’t.

I was wrong.

I need to ask for forgiveness.

Father, I want to love my children like you love me.  I want the moments of grace and gentleness to be so many they overwhelm my lapses of sinfulness and stupidity.

My only chance of being a father who rarely fails is to be firmly in the hands of a Father who is unfailing.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a beautiful little girl who means the world to me who needs to hear that from her dad.