I wonder if this is how God feels...

I wonder if this is how God feels…

It has been a remarkable season watching Kate (my oldest) run cross-country for her junior high team. 

Remarkable in the sense that she has received no genetic gifting whatsoever for this endeavor from her father.

Remarkable in the fact that 2 months ago Kate had never run a single mile.

Remarkable in the way that God has worked on me through all of this.

It’s hard being an overprotective father at a cross-country meet.

The gun goes off…

Off they go…

Out of sight…

Out of your protective care…

What if she falls?  What if she gets lost?

What if she gets sick?

What am I suppose to do?

Wait

Watch

Cheer

Since her first meet (running at around 17:00), 

Kate’s single goal was to qualify for the state meet.

She watched as her best friend qualified.

She watched as new friends qualified.

She got excited as her times steadily dropped with each meet.

She fretted for two straight meets as her times went the wrong direction.

She celebrated as the whole team qualified for the state meet,

but she wasn’t content.

“I will qualify as an individual.”

She became Donna Quixote and 14:30 was her windmill

Last night, with fall definitely in the air, the starter’s pistol once again signaled the start of another pursuit and the last chance to qualify as an individual for state.

Kate looked so strong

(even though she is one of the smallest out there)

Kate looked so beautiful

(just like her mom – I need all the points I can get)

Kate looked so determined

Kate looked so at peace…

            and then she was gone           

                        swallowed up by the pack

                                    overtaken by the trees

And all I could do was…

Wait

Watch

Cheer

This was Kate’s race.

Her competition was herself.

I couldn’t fix things. 

Make things better.

Guarantee her a happy ending.

On the other side of the finish line was a life lesson

written out just for her.

Regardless of the outcome,

Kate was going to learn something about herself.

And all I could do was…

Wait

Watch

Cheer

As she crossed the finish line I came to a realization and placed my stopwatch/iPhone into my pocket

Her victory this day would not be defined by place

Her worth could never be factored out in increments of time

Kate left nothing out on that course 

And although she was not the fastest,

there was no one out there more determined.

As we walked towards each other, tears filled both our eyes. 

No words 

She just needed her Dad to hold her for a minute

I wondered if this is how God feels…

     When we fall into His arms

            Exhausted

                  Weary

                      With nothing left to give

I wondered if this is what God waits for us…

            to fall into His arms

                    Win, lose or draw

                        Seeking Him as our refuge and strength,

                             above any accolades, awards, or ribbons

I wondered if this is what God longs for…

That moment when we realize that we have a Father in Heaven

who will throw open His arms to hold us when we seek Him out…

regardless of where

or how

or even if we cross the finish line

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.

2 Timothy 4:7

Kate’s time was 14:26

Kate qualified as an individual for the state meet

Her response…

“I know I can go faster…”

I know you can too, Kate Rabbit

I know you can too

But even if you don’t…

There is nothing you can do, or not do

That will make me love you more or less...

I wonder if that is how God feels…

Me and Kanye...

Have to admit I wasn't watching MTV the night that Kanye West became a social pariah and the punchline to every joke over the next couple of weeks.

But I got the gist of what happened and who was the victim.

Taylor Swift is one of my girls absolute favorite celebrities.

I mean, they LOVE Taylor Swift. And I’m okay with that.

She seems like a pretty level-headed 19 yr. old kid.

I don’t like Kanye West.

I never have.

This episode with Taylor Swift didn't forge my opinion of the hip-hop superstar, it simply affirmed it.

First - just not the kind of music I dial up on the old iPod.

Second - “George Bush hates black people”

Third - this isn't the first time he’s pulled a stunt like this.

Fourth - if you did that to one of my girls I'd go gansta on ya.

So it kind of took me by surprise when I found myself turning into Jay Leno to see if he’d show up and dig his career grave a little deeper. In all honesty, I switched from watching the Chargers and the Raiders game, two of the three teams I despise in the NFL (the Patriots had already played completing the trifecta).

So Jay’s asking questions. And I have to give him credit - he wasnt offering up softballs to Kanye.

Then came the question of the night - what would your mother (recently deceased) think of your actions?

Kanye was taken back a little. Visibly moved.

Struggling to string a comment together that would still give him street cred and yet offer some sense of contrition.

And then it hit me.

Like a rogue wave, I begin to realize that I am feeling compassion towards this young man...

I saw someone who longs for respect but doesn't know how to give it.

I saw someone who was hurting so deeply he had no idea how to confront it.

I saw someone who had lost the anchor of his life (his mother) and now was living with no accountability.

I saw someone desperately in need of grace.

And up until then I had no intention of offering him any.

Batten down the hatches, here comes the second wave.

In that moment I realized why I didn't like Kanye West

I am not nearly as multi-cultural as I’d like to think I am.

I am insufferably jealous that he has a career in music and I don’t.

And the biggest revelation - and the most painful to accept...

(drum roll from a TR-808 please - going old school on that one)

I have no idea how grace works.

None

Nada

Clueless

“...if you do not forgive men their sins, Your Father will not forgive your sins.” Mt 5:15

In a moment my anger towards another was gone

In a moment I was ready to extend grace to someone who needed it

In a moment I was revealed and restored by God’s grace

Revealed and restored

Revealed and restored

Kanye West doesn't deserve God’s grace

Neither does Jon Porter

That’s why it's grace

We don’t deserve it because of our stupid choices and asinine actions

But it never stops God from giving it to us

That’s why they say it's amazing...

I forgave Kanye West on that Monday night

Maybe one day he can forgive me

Peace...

This Sunday we finish up our series on Jonah.

The message title is "Do you have a right to be angry?".

This series has been a real kick in the pants for me personally.

Both sad and glad at the same time to see it end.

So I thought we'd go ahead and give the message a soundtrack:

I Am A Man Of Constant Sorrow/Soggy Bottom Boys

Use Somebody/Kings of Leon

This Is Your Life/Switchfoot

I Run To You/Lady Antebellum

You Found Me/The Fray

Stuck In A Moment/U2

Surely We can Change/David Crowder Band

Curious to see how this all fits?

Join us on Sunday and we'll take the journey together.

So where are you headed?

Direction - not intention - determines our destination.

Thank you Andy Stanley.

What is the old saying about what the road to hell is paved with?

Good intentions.

I have always meant to be a Christ follower - so why is it that I so often end up diametrically opposed to the One I profess to follow.

Direction, direction, direction...

My life is a lot like my golf game. I hit exactly what I'm aiming at.

The problem lies in what I aim at.

My intentions are to be a good husband, but...

My intentions are to be a good father, but...

My intentions are to be a good pastor, but...

My intentions are to be skinny, but...

You get the point.

But do you get the message?

Direction - not intention - determines our destination

Hebrews 12:2