What are you doing here, Jon?

I pray that this is the tearing down I need

When the storm came I mocked it
I stood in my front yard and did my best "Lt. Dan" imitation
While my family hunkered down (smartly) in the cellar, I watched
I went downstairs briefly to reassure my girls
and then right back up

It was then that I realized

Storm = powerful
Jon = insignificant and small

When we inspected the damage, there was a feeling among the girls that we had lost something
As I watched the 4 most precious things in my life - I knew that I was surrounded by what mattered most

When the police officer stopped to tell me that the church I pastor had sustained damage, my focus and priority shifted immediately. 

My building had been damaged. 

My legacy lay in rubble.
I rushed off to fix it. To save the day...

We had talked in our staff meeting just that morning about the "tipping point". That moment when the "why" of what called us to ministry got hijacked by the "how" of what we did in ministry

That moment when we realized that loving and serving Jesus became a job...
And we begin the long, slow journey of becoming a caricature of the pastors we use to make fun of

That moment when our reputation, pay scale, and legacy get totally wrapped up in...
Attendance
Programs
Recognition

and yes,
Buildings

Now that building was broken
Nothing major - but enough to get your attention
All of the sudden I felt very vulnerable
very insignificant
very small

20 years ago I sat in a lecture room in Texas with a bunch of other aspiring worship musicians
We were listening to a guy named Paul Baloche teach and share
They were listening - I was struggling
All I wanted to do was play drums. I wanted to play drums for Paul Baloche
I definitely didn't want to come home to Greensburg
But I was fighting something else...

All of the sudden, 

Paul asks the students to pair off and lift each other up in prayer
I honestly felt like I would have been no good to anyone
I didn't want to pray for anyone
I didn't want anyone to pray for me

I had been stuck in my quiet time on 1 Kings 19
I remember hearing someone ask, "what are you doing here, Jon"
That was when Paul Baloche put his arm around my shoulder and began to pray for me

I don't remember the exact words
But I'll never forgot the theme

Paul prayed about a "pastor's heart" that he saw beating in me
Paul prayed about me not being afraid to let go and give God my entire life
Paul prayed about me being less drummer and more pastor

Not sure I've ever forgave Paul for that

As I walked through the broken building of Community Church of Greensburg alone, I suddenly felt overwhelmed. 

This is where I own up to my super-size portion of selfishness
This was my church
This was my resume
This was my legacy

And it was broken...
Just like I've been of late
That's when I heard
"What are you doing here, Jon?"

And the word of the LORD came to him: “What are you doing here, Elijah?”

He replied, “I have been very zealous for the LORD God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, torn down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too.”

The LORD said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, 

for the LORD is about to pass by.”

Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.

Then a voice said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” 

- 1 Kings 19:9-13

In the process of chasing my "first love" and wanting to do a great thing for Him...
The "great thing" I was doing for Him had replaced my "first love"
I had met my tipping point - and it was ministry and this building

Within 20 minutes I was surrounded by men and women who I have come to love and cherish
Within 40 minutes the gaping hole in the building was secured
While the threat of more storms swirled around us...
We laughed
We worked
We prayed

We were family
It took the tearing down of the church to let me see once again what the church really looks like

Paul Baloche has a song that says this...

Everything that can be will be shaken

Everything that can be will be shaken

And only You remain

Only You remain

Thanks Paul - you did it again
And by the way, I forgive you

And thanks

"What are you doing here, Jon?"
I hope it's whatever You would have me to do

I pray for Greensburg
I pray for all those who have been devastated by these storms
I pray the team from Community Church that will go out to Joplin next week with a fresh awareness of the broken hearts they will be ministering to
I pray for God's church

And I pray this is tearing down that I've been needing


Peace